That this is a New Year is a total coincidence in my return to this here text box. That this is week 18, day 5 of this pregnancy and I have just yesterday ended the day feeling like I had some semblance of my life force left is the relevant bit of information. The exhaustion this go around has been unrelenting, until now. Now, a cup of tea is enough to make me feel like OH HEY I CAN HUMAN.
First go ’round with P, I documented the pregnancy in all of its detail – partly because it was less tiring after the first trimester (during which point I took a complete break from blogging as I would have been incapable of *not* spilling the beans) and partly because it was more interesting. All I would have written these past six weeks would have been “Tired. Still tired. Yep. Tired.” And it’s just so… boring. I can’t imagine anyone else cares about my exhaustion – *I* don’t even care.
We’re hitting the fun parts now – that sweet spot before pregnancy means an endless litany of complaints and the heartburn is itself enough to make labor seem like a *good* idea. I’m now feeling BabyGirl move around quite a bit – especially times like now when I’m sitting. Her movements are much more gentle than SOME FETUSES I HAVE KNOWN. I got to see her on the ultrasound on New Year’s Eve – she’s all curled up nice and snug and wiggles around. Nothing like SOMEONE who was pirouetting and grand-jete-ing all over my uterus. She wouldn’t let us get a good look at her face – she’s stubbornly facing my spine. The tech was able to get the measurements she needed to rule out cleft palate (my medication for seizures places her at a higher risk for that), but not a good enough shot to get a 3D picture that looked anything other than terrifying. (Sorry, BabyGirl, but the ultrasound really was doing you no favors and you really weren’t helping.)
Our pre-existing Whuffle is pretty much same-old, same-old. He gave up napping around the time when I got pregnant – which really HELPED with the exhaustion OH SO MUCH. We still do “quiet time” so mama can lie down, but really he’s a busy man on the go. Now that I’ve regained some energy, hopefully we can start venturing further out, happy as our librarian is to see us every day. We’ve registered him for preschool in the fall – which seems like a million years away. A million years from now when his sister will be here and HOLY COW I WILL HAVE TWO WHOLE CHILDREN. While the newborn phase is intimidating, the timing of the school year is a great reassurance – no matter what, September will come and he will go to school and she will be three whole months old, past that fourth trimester phase of adjusting to being a person.
In general, pregnancy has had me living a few steps in the future: next appointment, next trimester, due date… planning ahead so much that it’s been tough at times to pull back and be in the present moment, especially when the present moment has felt like a lead weight has been placed on my brain. This is what the present moment has looked like, when I’ve had the presence of mind to capture it. Very few photos, and very few shots of anything that isn’t a Whuffle. Amazing how much I’ve just let float by while I myself have been riding out the waves of exhaustion.